Breathe

Artist: Breathe

LP: 7" single

Song: "Hands to Heaven" 
[ listen ]

My friend Gene said he went to see the new Ryan Gosling picture with a date who wanted to see it, and it was so goddamn awful it made Gene want to stop dating the guy. I thought, "Oh, it can't be THAT bad." After all, it's got a rating of over 90% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes! But Gene was right. I went to see the film this morning, and now I don't want to date that guy either. 

Set in Los Angeles in 1977, the film involves two self-employed private dicks, both rough around the edges, who team up to find a missing girl who seems to have been somehow involved in artsy pornography and the American auto industry. Or she may just be trying to piss off her mother, who's the Los Angeles Country Prosecuting Attorney or something like that, played by a lifeless and completely unconvincing Kim Basinger (and I was really rooting for you, Kim—I loved 9½ WEEKS!). Anyway things get complicated and so there's lots of gunfire, and Ryan Gosling's nosy young daughter, who fluctuates between acting ages 7 and 35 (isn't that cute!) keeps getting in the way. There's no point in describing the plot further, but the film includes a number of typically "shocking" '70s Hollywood parties, a bunch of "witty banter," and people regularly plummeting from "balconies."

There's a scene in Ryan Gosling's daughter's bedroom where you can see four Nancy Drew mystery stories perched conspicuously on her bookshelf, as well as a huge Sex Pistols poster on the wall above her bed. Now I ask you. Were cutesy, meddling and precocious 13-year-old girls in 1977 L.A. already buying Sex Pistols posters to pin to their bedroom walls? This sort of thing plagues the entire film—it's all just kinda 'off.' Throughout—especially when it comes to the dialogue and behavior of the youngest members of the cast—you can see, hear, smell and feel careless, creepy, and overly-clever contributions by screenwriters, set decorators, wardrobe people, etc. all poking out like sore thumbs as Ryan Gosling, his mixed-up daughter, and that other guy, the Australian actor who's gone completely to seed, go running around on screen, dodging bullets and falling from balconies.

I shouldn't let this shitty film get me so wound up. I saw it early, right after breakfast, so it only cost $5. But how can I calm myself down? I know. I'll put my hands to heaven and Breathe.

[ gross! ]

[ Breathe ]