Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 11:58am on Wednesday, May 8, 2024
Overheard where: Wallingford Route 44, swing 5, while delivering mail and passing a vacant home that's currently being renovated, at 552 N. 70th St., Seattle, WA 98103 [map]
Overheard who: Two construction workers; one Caucasian female, 5'2" and heavy-set with dark hair, and one dark-haired Caucasian male, about 6'2" and lanky. Both probably in their late 20s or early 30s, and both wearing work clothes. They were chatting on the front porch while taking a short break; she was holding a measuring tape and he was wearing work goggles.
Overheard what: 
Gal construction worker: "Women always give me a hard time about my height. I'm five-foot-two." {Holds measuring tape in front of guy construction worker, from his foot to his head} "Six foot two...but of course I had to go over the top of your glasses. Still...dude, can I borrow a few inches from ya?
Guy construction worker: "I can't remember the last time a girl asked me that."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 9:26am on Thursday, July 1, 2021

Overheard where: At the table next to mine at The Egg & Us Café (4609 46th Ave. NW, #108) in the Ballard neighborhood of Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: The female half of a youngish straight Christian couple (mid-to-late 20s? She: non-Caucasian with shoulder-length black hair; he: Caucasian, blonde and balding) who were working through a recent rough patch in their relationship over breakfast. She admitted having been overly sensitive; he conceded that he had been too analytical. After resolving their issues, she mused aloud:
Overheard what: 
"There's a reason that God brought a man and a woman together."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 10:21am on Saturday, March 18, 2017
Overheard where: Counter dining area at The Dish Cafe in Ballard — 4358 Leary Way NW in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: A hip white male urban roustabout in his late 20s or early 30s sitting next to me at the counter. Short dark hair; shirt unbuttoned down to there; lots of chest hair exposed, sending him zooming way past sexy. In a voice three times louder than necessary, he was describing the attendees at the previous evening's party to his young white female dining companion. One gal at the party was so drunk he could hardly believe it. The drunkard reportedly also speaks in a loud and annoying way, which the young man proceeded to imitate in a voice that was somehow even louder than the regular one he had been using before. Everyone within earshot had to agree; it was annoying.
Overheard what: 
"Dave was there too. That guy used to be a total douche-bag, but he's not really that bad anymore. I used to be a total douche-bag too. I think it's just a guy thing. Everyone's pretty much a douche-bag when they're about 18 to 21, but then you grow out of it."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 7:09pm on Monday, November 9, 2015
Overheard where: Front dining area at Ruzhen Mongolian Grill in the University District — 4523 University Way NE in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: Two handsome, typical-looking 19-year-old University of Washington college students having dinner together at the table next to mine. Both had short black hair, neatly combed, with dark complexions—possibly of South Asian or Middle Eastern descent, though they spoke with American accents.
Overheard what: 
Student #1: "Dude, I can't believe I'm going to be a radio show host!"
Student #2: "That's cool. My friend had a radio show he hosted last year called Am I Masturbating? where he would talk about a bunch of topics, just talk about whatever, and people had to call in and try to guess if he was actually masturbating or not. He would make random noises and stuff and people would have to guess. Then they'd have to wait until the next week to find out if he was masturbating or not."
Student #1: "Did he ever actually masturbate?"
Student #2: "He told me that he did."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 3:35pm on Monday, August 10, 2015
Overheard where: Ticket booth at the Regal Lakewood 15 Cinemas — 2410 84th St. South in Lakewood, WA [map]
Overheard who: An elderly gentleman, dressed entirely in khaki, at cinema ticket booth in front of me and my father as we were waiting to buy tickets for Mission: Impossible — Rogue Nation.
Overheard what: 
"One senior for The Fabulous Four."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 6:45pm on Thursday, April 2, 2015
Overheard where: Lobby of the Grand Illusion Cinema — 1403 NE 50th St. in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: 'Hip' projectionist guy loudly conversing with the young volunteer gal who was working the ticket counter in the lobby. I could hear them talking through the doorway after taking a seat inside the theater.
Overheard what: 
Annoying guy: "I did have one celebrity sighting while I was in LA."
Volunteer gal: "Who?"
Annoying guy: "You'll never guess...Nick Cave. It was weird because I showed that movie so many times, I feel like I actually know him. But he was taller than I thought he would be."
Volunteer gal: "Where was he?"
Annoying guy: "He was just walking into some high-end grocery store with some family-looking people."
Volunteer gal: "What was he buying? Eggs?"
Annoying guy: "I do know that celebrities are just like us, so it was probably something like that, something mundane. He was just going into the store though, so I didn't get to find out what he bought. We should think of the most mundane or trivial thing he could have been buying. What would be, like, the most..."
Volunteer gal: "Baby carrots?" 
Annoying guy: "No... I know, rice! I bet he was buying rice!"

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 9:42pm on Thursday, April 18, 2013
Overheard where: On sidewalk while walking past the Streamline Tavern — 121 W. Mercer in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: A trio of late-20s or early 30s bar-types (two scruffy brown-haired guys and a heavy-set blond-haired gal) who were loudly and earnestly debating something or other.
Overheard what: 
Scruffy guy #1: "He just doesn't have any personality!"
Blond gal: "I agree!" 
Scruffy guy #2: "I'm not Jewish, and I'm circumcised!"

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 6:36pm on Sunday, November 25, 2012
Overheard where: In the lobby of the Varsity Theatre — 4329 University Way NE in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: Three slightly-past-middle-aged men discussing Leos Carax's new film HOLY MOTORS after the 4:20pm screening.
Overheard what: 
Man #1: "This was one of those films where you wish you had the director there to tell you what he was trying to say!"
Man #2: "I think the entire film was a metaphor." 
Man #3: "So when the guy was dressed up like a leprechaun, running through the graveyard eating flowers...what was that a metaphor for?"

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 3:21pm on Sunday, May 13, 2012
Overheard where: SW corner of parking lot at Vashon Thriftway — 9740 SW Bank Road in Vashon, WA [map]
Overheard who: frumpy middle-aged woman in floral print shirt conversing with a dark-haired, pimply-faced youth as they climbed into their mini-van and prepared to drive away.
Overheard what: 
Woman: "Whadda ya mean we're not the same...you mean you don't like helping people?"
Kid: "I like helping people...sometimes." 
Woman: My entire life is dedicated to helping people, in case you haven't figured that out!"
Kid (yelling): "I HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT!!"

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 9:50pm on Saturday, December 3, 2011.
Overheard where: the sidewalk outside Landmark's E Street Cinema at 555 11th Street NW - Washington, DC [map]
Overheard who: a nondescript, brown-haired Caucasian woman in her early-to-mid-30s, speaking to her husband or boyfriend and another male friend as we all walked up the street after watching Steve McQueen's new film called SHAME. The film explores the sexual addiction of an insipid corporate drone who manifests his illness by having sex with prostitutes, stalking attractive married women on the subway, picking up women in swanky upscale bars and then fucking them under a nearby bridge, downloading oodles of outlandish porn on his work computer, not being able to form meaningful romantic relationships with interesting women, masturbating in the office bathroom several times a day, getting blow-jobs in a seedy all-male sex club, being emotionally unavailable to his needy, mentally-disturbed sister, who's finally driven to suicide by his indifference, etc. etc.
Overheard what: "I was thinking that the 'shame' might be that he's gay."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 9:26pm on Saturday, November 19, 2011 — just as the first end credit of Lars von Trier's MELANCHOLIA appeared on the screen.
Overheard where: inside the downstairs cinema at the Harvard Exit Theatre, on Capitol Hill at 807 East Roy - Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: an annoying, granny-voiced gentleman at the back of the cinema, probably in his 40s or 50s, ostensibly speaking only to his movie-going companion, but making sure that everyone within shouting distance could hear.
Overheard what: "That was just terrible! I don't understand why people have to take excellent actors and then completely waste them like that! I'm just SO disappointed. I don't even know why these actors would agree to be in something like this—I suppose it must have looked good on paper. But that was just a HORRIBLE movie! I want my two hours back."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 8:32am on Monday, September 12, 2011
Overheard where: crosswalk at the intersection of Elliott Avenue and West Harrison Streets in Seattle, WA [map] while on my bike waiting for the light to turn green.
Overheard who: a lanky, tattoo-covered, shaggy-haired blond hipster guy in his early 20s, lecturing a shorter, glasses-wearing brown-haired gal of about the same age as they waited for the "don't walk" sign to change.
Overheard what: 
Lanky hipster guy: "See, this is what I'm talking about! We've become so enslaved and so dependent that we wait for a machine to tell us what to do! I mean, I can see perfectly well that it's safe for me to cross the street right now, and yet I stand here waiting for a machine to tell me when I can do it! We should just cross! Are you ready? Do you wanna do it? Do you have what it takes?"
[They step from the curb to cross the street against the "don't walk" sign and are nearly run over by a FedEx truck, since the truck's left-turn traffic signal had turned green while they were talking. They quickly leap back to the safety of the curb.] 
Lanky hipster guy: "Okay, this is where I make an exception."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 11:26am on Saturday, July 30, 2011
Overheard where: Anchor Grill at 438 West Pike Street in Covington, KY [map]
Overheard who: a spunky, no-nonsense middle-aged waitress who wears glasses, discussing recent events with a sweet elderly lady with bright orange hair who was sitting at the counter a few seats away from me.
Overheard what: 
No-nonsense waitress: "Rachel came in here cryin' again this morning... everything keeps going wrong with the wedding. This time she was cryin' 'cause last night someone broke into the church and stole the powder out of the air conditioner, so now they're getting married this afternoon in 98° heat in a church with no air conditioning. It's just been one thing after another with this wedding."
Orange-haired lady at counter: "I might start to worry that it was all a bad omen."
No-nonsense waitress: "Well I can't say that 'cause my church burned down after we sent out our invitations. We had to change churches!"

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 10:18pm on Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Overheard where: Madison Pub at 1315 East Madison Street in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: three moderately handsome, late 20s/early 30s gay male caricatures, complete with granny-voice and fluttery hands, sitting next to me while I played Buzztime Trivia.
Overheard what: 
Gay Guy #1: "Have you ever thought about having children?"
Gay Guy #2: "I want to have kids, and I know I could adopt, but I really want to have one of my own. I want my kids to have my genes."
Gay Guy #3: "I know! I'd like to have at least one of my own. When I look at him, I want to see myself."
Gay Guy #2: "When I look into his eyes, I want to see MY eyes!"

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 9:46pm on Monday, June 13, 2011
Overheard where: at the next table at Skillet Diner at 1400 East Union Street in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: a lanky, sorta' nerdy blond gay guy in his late 20s or early 30s, talking to his older gay buddy over dinner.
Overheard what: "He was a great-looking guy and really popular with the women—a heartthrob, I guess you'd call him. He was always lots of fun and liked to horse around and stuff... but one night we ended up alone in the parking lot, just him and me, and he was horsing around again... We'd been in this situation lots of times before, but this time he was horsing around and suddenly he totally just jumped me! He was grabbing my face and pulling it towards him. At first I tried to fight him off, but after a while I got tired of fighting, because he seemed determined to do this thing, so I figured I'd just let it take its course. But the second I stopped fighting him off, something in him clicked and he totally changed. He suddenly pushed me away and started yelling, 'Dude! You were trying to kiss me! What the fuck!?' (pause) Now he's married, and his wife has really big boobs."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 8:05pm on Saturday, June 4, 2011
Overheard where: on sidewalk just south of the Peter Kirk Pool at 340 Kirkland Avenue in Kirkland, WA [map]
Overheard who: one normal, boring-looking white guy in his early-to-mid 20s, talking to his similar-looking buddy as they walked up the sidewalk and past my parked car's open curbside window. The guy's voice trailed off as they continued up the sidewalk and out of earshot.
Overheard what: "She's the hottest chick by general standards. But the hottest chick, in my opinion, the hottest chick is..."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 12:45pm on Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Overheard where: on sidewalk at Olive Way and 7th Avenue, on north side of Pacific Place Mall in downtown Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: one handsome male 20-something road worker in orange vest and hard-hat, yelling from the truck to his handsome 20-something male colleague who was about to lay down "turning lane" stencils for painting a giant sign on the street.
Overheard what: "Hey! Did you get the arrow too, or just the only?"

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 8:33pm on Monday, October 11, 2010
Overheard where: Chipotle Mexican Grill at 4229 University Way NE in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: one of the young women in a group of four college students (one guy, three gals—all in late teens or early 20s) who were dining in the booth next to mine. They were discussing various aspects of the Mormon religion that they found peculiar—ie. two-year missions, polygamy, and baptism for the dead.
Overheard what: "Oh, and another thing that's different from other religions is that Mormons believe that Jesus came to the United States."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 12:08pm on Sunday, September 12, 2010
Overheard where: The Hurricane Cafe at 2230 7th Avenue in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: a shrewd brown-haired boy, age 7 or 8, who was one of a group of five youngsters who had clustered near my lunch-counter seat in order to better observe the eclectic assortment of Mister Potato-Heads on display above the kitchen service window.
Overheard what: "Darth Vader never had two lightsabers."

Eavesdroppings

Overheard when: 7:20pm on Saturday, June 12, 2010
Overheard where: the world premiere screening of THE FAMILY TREE at SIFF Cinema at 321 Mercer Street in Seattle, WA [map]
Overheard who: a conservative-looking middle-aged woman sitting directly in front of me, whispering loudly into the ear of her elderly movie-going companion. The elderly woman hadn't understood what one of the characters yelled during an angry outburst, so she'd asked the middle-aged woman, "what did she say?"
Overheard what: "Up yours!"