Wednesday, December 30, 2015

The Story of Star Wars

Artist: The Cast of Star Wars
LP: The Story of Star Wars: From the Original Soundtrack
Song: "The Story of Star Wars (excerpt)" 
[ listen ]

In case you haven't heard, there's a new STAR WARS movie playing in theaters. This is evidently episode #7, but I honestly can't remember what happened in episodes #1-6. (I know I've seen movie #3, which I believe is episode #6, the one with all the Muppets in the woods, but I missed movie #4, which may be episode #1 if I'm not mistaken; it's the one with Jar-Jar Binkus or whatever, the one that flopped. If I've seen episode #4, which I think is movie #1, it was years ago. I've seen either episode #2 or #3, which would be movies #5 and #6, but I can't recall which one! And it's hard to imagine I'd have gone without seeing movie #2 in the cinemas when I was a kid, which as far as I can tell would be episode #5, but if I saw it I still can't tell you a single thing about it.) 

Anyway, I desperately need a Star Wars refresher course before watching THE FORCE AWAKENS or I'll be completely at a loss. Good thing I found "The Story of Star Wars" at a thrift shop up in Alaska earlier this year. If you're in the same boat as I am, this might help you too! Before we dive headlong into the story, it's important to re-familiarize ourselves with all of the players:

"The Story of Star Wars" takes place

The entire ordeal begins when

And then suddenly

Things seem to be looking up when

But then

Everyone knows what horrors this signifies. Their worst fears are confirmed when

Without wasting a single precious moment,

Meanwhile, as everyone had anticipated,

Momentarily sidetracking everyone, R2-D2 provides a dazzling demonstration of technical brilliance by repeatedly presenting a 

Seizing a golden opportunity while everyone's busy watching the hologram,

Meanwhile, as if from out of nowhere,

Once again,

Knowing full well that time is of the essence,


And then, as if they didn't already have enough to do,

Which keeps them out of the way as

But then

And helps him to understand that choking the rebel officer was wrong!

Thankfully, he escapes with just enough time to shower and dress for the

Where, as a reward for his bravery, 

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