Cabbage Patch Kids

Artist: Cabbage Patch Kids

LP: Cabbage Patch Dreams

Song: "Happy Birthday Hoe-Down"

[ listen ]

One of the lowest points in recorded human history occurred during the holiday season in the mid-1980s, when every child needed to have a Cabbage Patch Kid for Christmas. The dolls were in short supply, so parents (and by that I mean grown-ups) actually got into fist-fights at department stores when there weren't enough dolls to go around. It's hard to imagine anyone fighting to obtain something as repulsive as this—even in the '80s—but one theory asserts that Cabbage Patch Kids were designed to desensitize the public to the appearance of mutated children born in the aftermath of a nuclear war. There's more info on Wikipedia here, where you can read all about the dolls' history and the different varieties of Cabbage Patch Kids that have been produced over the years—including one that devours plastic snacks which then exit the doll's backside where they drop into a backpack. Visit the official Cabbage Patch Kids website here.